Wednesday 10 July 2013

80s action films you have to see or I'll come for you in the night.

A simple list of film to watch and a summary.
Watch the trailers too, most of them have Don "Voice over guy" LaFontaine on them.  He sadly died in 2008.
Between him and Peter Cullen (The voice of Optimus Prime) I'm not sure who's voice I'd rather have.
Anyway...
  • Predator
    • Enormous crab faced super cool alien kills almost everyone.  Apollo Creed gets fucked up.  More testosterone than the entire WWE roster.
  • Rocky III
    • Mr T. punches the crap out of Rocky.  Rocky gets a big cats corneas, punches the crap out of Mr T.
  • Rocky IV
    • Dolph punches the life out of Rockys best mate.  Rocky plays in the snow.  Makes Russia love America.  Ultra cool 80's synth soundtrack.  Dolph Lundgren.
  • Action Jackson
    • Apollo Creed punches the dude from Poltergiest.  Miraculously rehabs junkie hooker in 30 minutes.
  • Robocop
    • IT'S A CYBORG POLICEMAN AND IS ULTRA VIOLENT!  ED209.  Clarence Bodicker. EVERYTHING!!!!
  • Big Trouble in Little China
    • Coolest truck driver ever helps kung fu wizards.
  • Aliens
    • Halo ripped this off.  Coolest bunch of marines outside of Predator in ACTION IN SPACE WITH ALIENS!!!
  • Rambo: First Blood Part II
    • Stallone goes on the rampage with a bow and arrow and a knife.  Kills everyone.
  • The Terminator
    • Dude comes back from the future to sleep with his bosses mum because he's always loved her.  Creepy.  Also, in other news, there's a unstopable killing machine after you that is awesome.
  • Escape From New York
    • Coolest anti hero ever fights Ox Baker.  Dude from Halloween is the president.  Also dude from Alien, Chef from South Park, Ernest Borgnine and one of the lamborgini girls from Cannonball Run.
  • Tango and Cash
    • Stallone and Russell go to prison, fight everyone, win. Cheese everywhere.  Dude from Bladerunner has mad accent.
  • Lethal Weapon
    • Best buddy cop movie ever.  BAR NONE!
  • Raiders of the Lost Ark
    • Teacher has a whip and a leather jacket.  Hunts down box filled with God.  Bad dates. Harrison Ford being a proper proper hero.
  • Die Hard
    • Rambo in a building but now he has a machine gun.
  • Batman
    • Jack Nicholson plays Jack Nicholson but dressed as the Joker.  Michael Keatons eyebrows play Jack Nicholsons eyebrows.  Best Batmobile.  Lando Calrissian is Two Face.
  • Above the Law
    • Lanky aikido expert batters absolutely every one.
  • Kickboxer
    • Short karate guy from Brussells dances badly but is cool.  Gets glass stuck to hands.  repeats fight moves from 9 different angles.
  • They Live
    • Best wrestler turned actor ever has come here to kick ass and chew bubble gum.  Oh, he's out of bubble gum.  Also PKE meters from Ghostbuster.

Chances are you've seen them all as they are all pretty popular.

Doesn't stop them from being fucking awesome though.

Go watch them.

BE TOLD!!!!


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