Beard Science: Part 2: The Engorging

In 1861 noted Paleontologist and geneticist Hans "The Rooter" Tritolulak III published a paper in the East Slovenia science journal linking Ghotentialism (the Hablakian word literally translated as "follicles of the lower jaw") to enormous potential of the soul and evangelistic creatology.

Hans Tritolulak III

extract:
"...it is not only clear in the practical application of (beards) that we can extrapolate that the human consciousness and soul is derived from the genetic memory stored in the DNA of prehistory chin skin.."

This paper has long been refuted in the scientific community as hog wash simply due to the fact that DNA was not discovered until 1869 by 2 dudes without beards.

Beardless dudes "credited" with the discovery of DNA

Hans was not subject to the normal rules of time as beards have been known, in vast quantities to slow or even reverse the flow of time through space, thus negating the need for such foul things a clocks.

Hans continued with his research unabashed and managed to get some reading done.

Hans reading an early copy of the 16th century "Beards of yore" by Meludiphin

Hans postulated and theorised that The Godbeard or Chinestrodal figure from the 12th century may have been responsible for the formation of the religious sect known throughout the darkest chapter in mans history as the Engorging.

This sect actually persecuted babies for not having beards and many an enhancement was made to a newborn using the beard from the divine animal, the goat.

Or even a bearded wombat.

Or a particularly hairy cat.

Probably a weird duck.

Oddly enough during this period the propensity for bearded children rose by a staggering 5000% as winess by Moses Von Dunderlog [file photo missing].

It is also the period in which Gothic architecture started to appear in France.  Driven on by the power of the Dark Beard or Hoobalomand.

Also the foundation of Illuminism by dudes with beards happened around this time.  This in itself was a huge leap forward in beard technology and beliefs as I paraphrase; that beards themselves "give us insight into the truth of the information we received for ourselves".

The meaning of this could be that in order to understand the universe more fully we must grow a beard.

i.e. beards give us wisdom.

Socrates: Beard.

To be continued.....